Spirituality

Protect your Energy

NOTE: This page is NOT intended to speak ill will of anyone in particular or various belief systems. We at Divinergy, feel it to be important to warn unsuspecting people of what are typically referred to as energy and aura vampires.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where there are individuals that will capitalize on another's beliefs, needs, wants and fears. This goes back to the day of snake oil salesmen and even farther back. This is nothing new.

In roughly 2019/2020, the term "fake woke" took hold. Fake woke is when an individual positions themselves as being woke to impress people around them or when one actively goes against facts and science to push an ideology.

Considering spirituality is the trendy thing to do now, many of the modern "snake oil salesmen" are perverting it and turning it into something that it is not. It is no different than when Christians, back in the day, assumed practices from Wiccanism, Witchcraft and Paganism, perverted it to their own practices and then throughout history, slaughtered those that didn't adopt those practices.

The advent of social media has given birth to a plethora of great content, but with the good comes the bad. There is also a plethora of self-proclaimed online gurus, witches, mediums, psychics and the list goes on. The new trendy thing is to categorize each other with titles such as;

a Christian witch
an ordained Wiccan
an LGBTQ witch
Christian yoga

and much more.

There are many that are too concerned with their title in society and the numbers on social media, which is how they make money; off another's beliefs. When someone is adamant on pushing the concept of their self-appointed title, it is a clear indication they have yet to release certain addictions within their ego. That is someone I would personally not seek spiritual advice or healing from as they could cause more harm than good.

Another indication of fake spirituality is when online gurus speak of advanced spiritual techniques and practices yet will not speak of what one experiences when they have a spiritual awakening for the first time. Very few speak of what one goes through when they begin to realize they are on a spiritual journey. This is paramount to discuss because when one awakens to the truth, they bear witness to a plethora of emotions as they realize everything they thought they once knew, was in fact a lie and deceptive.

Yet another indication of fake spirituality is when they tell you things like,

"If you came across this video, then this message from the guides is meant for you"

or they video record a tarot card and claim their reading is randomly meant for you.

You may also come across a healer, psychic or medium that tells you that you have blockages or curses and only they can remove them for you as you are incapable of doing so.

Another indication is when they try to convince you that if you have a special mark, branding or experienced something in particular, that you are a chosen one and/or some part of a spiritual elite.

Believing you are part of some spiritual elite, and have no shadow work to contend with is no different than a Christian claiming they do not have to ask for forgiveness because they are directly connected to their god.

Many claim how spiritual they are, yet post pictures and videos attending political rallies or voting booths or getting the jab and the list goes on. That is like putting oil and water in a 5 gallon bucket and spending all day trying to mix it. It is never going to work.

Be careful with where, what and who you place your energy into.

This is the reality of it all

Your spiritual journey is not a race nor is it a competition of any sort.

No one is above another and there are no "chosen" people. You are not part of a spiritual elite. There are no rules or regulations to your shadow work or your spiritual journey. You simply do what works for you with only one concept to remember; DO NO HARM, to yourself or another.

Everyone else is on their own journey and it will never look the same as yours, albeit, there may be similarities. You get to choose each step you take on your journey. That is your free will. You can choose to exist solely with the ego and the physical world, or you can choose to take it levels deeper and tame the mind, control the ego and identify the awareness within you.

The more inner stillness you create, the more energy will enter your being, because awareness itself is the gateway to your soul and the gateway to the divine and the higher self. Mastery of your spiritual evolution is about learning how to cultivate as much of this awareness as possible.

Having an enlightened experience or a spiritual awakening does not make you a guru, as you will have many spiritual awakenings throughout your journey. Your spiritual journey is not about suppressing your emotions but confronting and controlling them. You can be spiritual and still have a bad day.

Enlightenment is a destructive process, because it involves the crumbling of falsehoods. It is being able to see through the façade. It is the complete eradication of everything you thought was true.

You are the Universe experiencing itself from one specific perspective. Everyone you meet is also you. Every act of love is an act of self love. Every act of hate is an act of self hate. Every experience, good, bad or indifferent, is a message from your higher self to you. You exist with the physical body and mind, but they do not define you.

You are being reborn every second with a new thought. All possibilities exist within you, all you have to do is pick a direction and move towards it with focused and positive intentional action. When you align with your universal self, you activate others to align with theirs.

What is Spiritual Narcissism?

Chances are you have come across a few before you put a name to it: spiritual narcissists.

Quite simply, this is a person who, unconsciously, uses their spirituality to boost their ego. They have a way of flaunting their spirituality and looking down on those who they think are less spiritually advanced as they are. They tend to bombard you with their views and disregard anything that questions their logic or research.

They tend to use technical jargon and defensiveness to make you feel like things are your fault, all under the guise of trying to help you find your spirituality.

So why are they like that?

In all variations of narcissism, there is an inflated sense of “self”. Narcissists are known for:

Having a strong sense of entitlement
Lacking empathy for others
Feeling superior to other people
Being manipulative to get what they want

When it becomes spiritual narcissism, it is because the person has started identifying solely as a “spiritual person”.

Their spirituality is what they form their identity around, and it is easy to spiral down when this happens.

The Spiritual Ego and the Development of Spiritual Narcissism

The spiritual ego is born through spiritual materialism.

The term was originally coined by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and it explains the process of the ego latching on to spiritual progress and accomplishments to feel boosted. For example:

Someone is quick to brag about how well they meditate or practice yoga to reach a higher connection is probably suffering from spiritual egoism, or, someone who believes their way of practicing spirituality is better than others, and who refuses to keep an open mind about different methods of reaching a higher spiritual level.

The problem is, once you start thinking you have perfected spirituality, you are already far from reality and far from the journey you originally intended to take, before the ego got involved.

Why?

Because there is no end goal, there is no test to pass at the end, which tells if you have connected on a higher level, it is not a course that you take and get a certificate at the end. That simply does not happen, It is an ongoing process. There is no end to it. The spiritual ego does not want you to realize that, as it will blind you to how you behave and how far you have wandered from your original path.

Once the spiritual ego has taken over, a spiritual narcissist is born, and the truth is, the spiritual ego can take place in anyone, no matter where you are in your journey.

It is quite natural, especially at the beginning of a spiritual awakening when everything is exciting and your mind is buzzing with all the new spiritual concepts you are learning about.

It initially feels good because it is a thrill, it feels right but the ego sees a chance to get in on the action and push you even further towards narcissism. That is why knowing about the signs of the spiritual ego and spiritual narcissism can help people recognize it straight away and work to move past it.

15 Warning Signs of a Spiritual Narcissist

1. They bring you down instead of lifting you up

Whether it is a guru or a friend in your life who you suspect is a spiritual narcissist, an easy way to tell is by how they make you feel. Do they use their spirituality to lift you, support you, and help you find your path, or do they use it to make you feel inferior and as if you are on a lower spiritual level than they are?

For all their boasting, they should be so in touch with spirituality that they know exactly how to encourage you in yours. They should be the epitome of support, considering they claim to know it all. Yet, they are not, and the reason is that narcissists, of all kinds, need to put you down to make themselves feel better. Even though they do not act like it, their self-esteem is wobbly, and the only way to stabilize it again is by making others question their own abilities and confidence.

2. They avoid taking responsibility

Another massive indicator that you are dealing with a spiritual narcissist is if they reject being held accountable for their own actions.

When they hurt other people, there is always an excuse or it was someone else’s fault. If they are corrected on something in a conversation, instead of accepting that they have made a mistake, they will do everything possible to fight their point.

In other words, they are super defensive. When it comes to taking responsibility, spiritual narcissists will happily take ownership when it puts them in a positive spotlight. But if it is something that they have done wrong, they will avoid owning up to it at all costs.

Why? Because it would hurt their spiritual ego to admit it, after all, they are trying to portray an image of all-knowing and superiority.

3. They are part of exclusive groups

So how do spiritual narcissists get through life, if all it seems they do is put people down and refuse to take responsibility for themselves? Surely, they must get called out by people?

In an ideal world, that is what would happen. But spiritual narcissists take measures to protect themselves, and these come in the form of exclusive, cool clubs or groups, usually meditation groups and yoga retreats. Once in this group, the spiritual narcissist will surround themselves with like-minded people. It’s the narcissist’s way of keeping their self-esteem high because there is no one to criticize them and reinforcing the belief that what they practice spiritually is correct.

The problem with this is that they are not exposed to the real world.

4. They use spirituality to prove their points

But when they do come into contact with other people who question them, the spiritual narcissist will twist and adapt spiritual learnings to suit their argument.

It happens a lot in religion. For example, extremists who have interpreted and adapted holy scriptures to suit their politically-motivated cause.

But it gets worse:

A spiritual narcissist will not just keep these twisted views to themselves, they will try and persuade other people that they are right. And very quickly, having a rational conversation with them can start to feel like hard work.

5. Conversations always turn into debates

If you have ever dealt with a spiritual narcissist, you will know how hard it is to have a balanced, fair conversation that does not need a right or wrong conclusion.

Simply put:

Narcissists have to be right, even when they are wrong.

This can take a casual, friendly chat to a heated debate or argument that ends with them asserting their dominance and taking over the conversation. It is not fun for anyone.

Instead of discussing spirituality and learning from each other, the spiritual narcissist will make it all about their beliefs and the latest spiritual craze that they have discovered, and even if it was something genuinely helpful or interesting, they are not simply talking about it, they are trying to push people around them into truly believing in it.

It is all another form of needing validation and of appeasing the ego. When the spiritual narcissist is right, the ego feels safe, proud and strong.

6. They try to convert other people to “their way” of spirituality

People who feel that their faith or religion is better than others will often go out of their way to help other people get onto the right track, or what they perceive to be the right track.

It has been going on since the start of time, and it is how many of the major world religions spread across the globe. But what does it have to do with spirituality?

Spiritual narcissists will use their spirituality to try and push their beliefs onto other people too. They will not respect that each person has to find their way when it comes to spirituality and they will argue that their way is the right way until you finally give up or just start avoiding them.

7. Their actions do not match their words

Even though they are so cemented and dogmatic in their beliefs, you would be surprised at how much they do not practice what they preach.

Spiritual narcissists will go above and beyond to criticize you and your beliefs, but when it comes to their own, they are never in the wrong.

For example:

Your spiritual narcissist friend talks about how much people should be uplifted and helped in their spiritual journey. Yet, you notice that when they are around people who are beginning their spiritual journey, the narcissist is quick to look down on them and even make them feel bad for not doing more than they already are.

Keep an eye out, and you will notice a lot of inconsistencies with what a spiritual narcissist says and does.

8. They act like they are superior

Keep an eye out for an air of superiority, as this is another classic telltale sign of a narcissist.

Their spiritual ego is at an all-time high, and they believe that they are above everyone else, regardless of how far along they are in their spiritual journey. Even if they do not know much about you, a narcissist will just assume that they are better than you and that they are more spiritually advanced.

So where does this superiority come from?

The ego has a habit of overinflating and exaggerating the truth. This leads the narcissist to believe that they are special and different from everyone else.

9. They are overly positive

You might be wondering, “How can they be so positive if they make other people feel inferior?”.

Valid question! The narcissist is positive about their life, not necessarily about other people’s lives. And the truth is:

They may not even have a lot to be genuinely positive about, but because they are trying desperately to cover their insecurities and fears, they will do anything to paint a rosy picture of perfection.

You see, some people genuinely appreciate what they have in life, but narcissists will try to portray their lives as being over-the-top amazing. From the salad they had at lunch to the new retreat they came back from, you will rarely hear a spiritual narcissist talk about the negatives.

This is dangerous because they are not viewing the world with a healthy balance, the negatives are there whether they are acknowledged or not. But by suppressing these emotions, the ego will continue to believe that everything is under control.

10. They constantly brag about their spirituality

Another classic sign of spiritual narcissism is when the person cannot stop boasting about how spiritually aware they are or how well they have perfected their spiritual practice. But in doing this, they forget that bragging goes against the fundamentals of being spiritual in the first place. It does nothing but make other people feel bad and it only serves to lift the ego.

11. They do not have any interest in the world around them

For all the narcissist's talk of spirituality, connecting on a higher level, and helping people around them, they usually lack any genuine curiosity about the world.

In their mind, they have got the answers, their beliefs are firm and they do not need to engage with other people or explore out of their depths.

Their level of spirituality takes them above everyone else, so they do not think that anything can be gained by being around ordinary folk or people less spiritual than them. What they do not realize though is t here is a wealth of knowledge to be found in the ordinary, sometimes boring, routines of life. More often than not, it is these real-life experiences, not books and scriptures, that connects someone higher to their spirituality.

12. Spirituality is about theory not practice

Spiritual narcissists tend to over-intellectualize spirituality.

Instead of putting everything they read about to physical use, they will waste most of their time looking for deeper meanings, reconfirming their beliefs, and analyzing their thoughts. As a result, they do not actually go out into the world and use their spirituality to heal and to connect with others.

Their heads are stuck in scriptures and there is only so much you can learn from reading. The rest comes down to experiencing real life, having connections with people, and exploring the world. This is the stuff that sticks, and forces you to grow spiritually.

13. They act like they are the savior of humanity

Quite often, spiritual narcissists feel that it is their responsibility to save the world. They seek authoritative roles such as being a spiritual leader or guru. Some even develop a messiah complex where they believe their destiny in life to be a savior to others.

But this makes sense:

Narcissists crave attention, they love feeling in control and they want bold, loud accomplishments that can further boost their ego.

So being a guru with half a million Instagram followers does just the trick. Not only is the ego satisfied, but the narcissist can fulfill their desire to influence other people and shape them to follow their way of spirituality.

14. They are better at talking than at listening

Another sign of narcissism that is often overlooked is their inability to focus and actively listen, especially when the conversation is not flowing the way they want it to.

When the narcissist does join in the conversation, it is because they want to get their point across, not to connect or discuss ideas. They are quick to push their ideas across, defensive when challenged and they do not like anyone else stealing the limelight.

But there are exceptions.

A spiritual narcissist will only make an effort to hear out people who they respect, people that they view as higher in their spirituality or someone who is an expert in the field.

15. They do not reveal their true selves

Our final point brings us to the essence of spirituality, finding a meaning, or purpose to life, and connecting on a higher level with yourself and with others.

But a spiritual narcissist will do the opposite of this. They will not face their fears, deal with their insecurities, and work hard to heal their wounds, although they will preach to everyone else about doing it. Instead, they will hide all of the negative parts of their life and only show the face they want people to see.

How to Spiritually Deal with a Narcissist

Most advice points towards avoiding narcissists at all costs. Countless advice forums will tell you that they will never change, and you have to save yourself while you can.

But what if there was another way to deal with narcissists spiritually?

Instead of cutting a spiritual narcissist out of your life completely, take a kinder approach, and see them for what they are.

Narcissists may come across as conceited and pompous, but deep down they are going through an internal battle, just like the rest of us. Only their battle is one where the ego has taken over, and they are unable to see how their behavior and actions hurt others.

With a little innerstanding, a light-hearted attitude, and a lot of patience, you can learn to deal with narcissists in a way that does not bring you down or alienate them completely. Because the danger of cutting them out completely means they may never realize their narcissistic tendencies, and so they will remain that way forever.

Can a Spiritual Narcissist Overcome their Ego?

Many people would argue that there is little hope for a narcissist to realize their habits and take action to overcome them. Some would say the ego is simply too strong by this point.

But the truth is, anyone is capable of breaking free from their spiritual ego. With the right environment, good people around them, and a willingness to change, even the most narcissistic person can improve. And, you never know how far along someone is into their spiritual narcissism.

Some people may be in the very early stages so they will benefit by having friends in their life who challenge them and keep their ego from inflating too much; people who keep them grounded when they need it the most. Others won’t, as your attempts will fall on deaf ears and they will continue like this, but at least you know you have done right by humanity and tried to help.

The key here is in the balance. If you can tolerate the spiritual narcissist in your life, and you want to be a guiding light back to reality for them, go for it.

But if you find that the spiritual narcissist is taking things too far and it is impacting your emotional health, because it can, narcissists can be extremely draining and toxic at times, then know when to walk away.

What is Spiritual Bypassing?

To spiritually bypass is to use spirituality to avoid, suppress, or escape from uncomfortable issues in life.

These issues could be the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup, family problems, childhood abuse, loneliness, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging behaviors, fear, mental or emotional health issues, or any other problems life presents.

To many people, spirituality becomes a sort of crutch used to stand back up again in the face of life’s turmoil, and sometimes, this is necessary. We all need support at one time or another in our lives.

However, the problem comes when spirituality is used as a drug on which we become dependent to bypass the darker elements of our lives.

When spirituality is used as a defense mechanism to ward off the gremlins and demons of our existence, it actually becomes our greatest hindrance, as it prevents us from developing true courage, authenticity, and wholeness, which are qualities that refine our souls.

While the use of spirituality can provide us with a solid wall to hide behind, in doing so, it traps us in an all-is-blissful-and-perfect jail cell of illusions.

The reality is that not everything in life is love and light, as is the slogan for many spiritual seekers.

Pursuing the light and living an enlightened and deeply interconnected existence is also about setting yourself on fire.

True spirituality is about creating an inferno of your false beliefs, illusions, desires, ideals, and prejudices. It is about surrendering to the destruction of every limiting thing you ever thought and felt about yourself, other people, and the world.

Spirituality is not always pretty. In fact, often, it is the most shattering, tumultuous, and testing experience we can go through in life.

But only once we emerge from the embers of our destruction can we be reborn, like phoenixes, into new lives of clarity and purity.

10 Types of Spiritual Bypassing

1. The Optimistic Bypass

We have all come across people in life who love to laugh and smile, yet seem to be forcefully optimistic. “Focus on the positive!” “See the glass as half full!” “Don’t let a frown get you down!” are some of the catch cries of these people who tend to use optimism as a way of avoiding the more sinister and troublesome realities of life. The optimistic bypass is often a side product of anger-phobia or else the inability to deal with negative emotions as a whole.

2. The Aggrandizement Bypass

The aggrandizement bypass is adopted by those who seek to feel enlightened, superior, or somehow more awakened in their spiritual development than others. Claiming to have reached a certain spiritual coveted milestone is a type of self-delusion that some spiritual seekers use as a way of masking their perceived deficiencies and insecurities. More commonly, this bypass is typically used by self-proclaimed masters, spiritual leaders, kundalini awakened yogis, and gurus to solicit a following, and make good money.

3. The Victim Bypass

When one becomes a victim of their gifts, or of other people, this takes away the pressure of responsibility for shaping a satisfying life and taking responsibility for one’s happiness. This type of spiritual bypass is often used by spiritual seekers who believe they have extrasensory gifts of some kind, but due to their gifts, they are unable to feel happy or healthy.

Identifying as an empath, for example, is sometimes a good example of this type of bypassing. As being an empath is a gift that is all about sensing others’ emotions, this can be used as an excuse to behave in self-pitying, self-destructive, and volatile ways.

Other labels, like being a clairvoyant, an indigo child, a starseed, gifted healer, and so on, can often cause people to fall into the Victim Bypass trap.

4. The Psychonaut Bypass

Many spiritual seekers explore the frontiers of the mind, the soul, and reality through the use of psychedelic drugs such as LSD, DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, mescaline, and other entheogens that expand consciousness. While psychoactive substances are a fascinating way of exploring reality, like any other drug, they can often be used to escape daily life and avoid committing to personal development and Ensoulment.

5. The Horoscope Bypass

When we frequently look outside of ourselves for help and guidance, as in the case with horoscopes and psychics, we are failing to tap into our inner wellsprings of wisdom and strength and are allowing external predictions to control the outcome of our lives. The Horoscope Bypass is typically derived from fear and mistrust of ourselves, fear of taking self-responsibility for our decisions, and resistance to flowing with life by trying to predict what is going to happen.

6. The Saint Bypass

As children, many of us were conditioned to believe that a spiritual person is always kind, compassionate, and saintly. In adulthood, many of us continue to repeat this story to ourselves, and sadly, it can create tremendous suffering.

The Saint Bypass is a reflection of extreme black or white thinking, promoting the underlying belief that spiritual people cannot have dark sides because that would make them unspiritual. This type of spiritual bypass is essentially avoidance of one’s Shadow Self (dark side) by overcompensating with the guise of a sweet and heavenly exterior. The martyr complex is a major symptom of this type of bypassing.

7. The Spirit Guide Bypass

In some spiritual traditions, it is a God who protects, in others, it is an angel, animal, or an ascended being who takes care of us.

While at certain points in life it is helpful, soothing, and supportive to feel ourselves taken care of by a spirit guide, we cannot let it become too much of a crutch.

Relying 100% on our spirit guide/s to give us all of our insight, all of our protection, and all our spiritual sustenance keeps us in a spiritually infantile state. In other words, we fail to develop strength of spiritual character.

Spirit guides serve to teach us rather than babysit us.

8. The Prayer Bypass

Similar to the Spirit Guide Bypass, the Prayer Bypass circumvents personal responsibility by putting faith in a higher being to solve all of our problems and issues. While praying can be a healthy practice, it can easily become limiting and misguided. Sinking too much into passivity is an imbalanced way to live life and can easily lead to disaster. We must learn to take action and trust our own instincts as well.

9. The Guru Bypass

Often it is beneficial to follow a guru, shaman, or spiritual teacher to learn and grow. However, becoming too attached to such people can rapidly turn into another form of spiritual bypassing.

The temptation to begin worshiping, knowingly or unknowingly, spiritual teachers means that we eventually forget the purpose of listening to them, i.e., to integrate the essence of their teachings.

By treating the words of a guru or master as the irrefutable truth and failing to think for ourselves, we fall into cult-like groupthink, and we are starved of true spiritual growth and transformation on our spiritual journeys.

10. The Finger-Pointing Bypass

At some point on our spiritual quests, we begin to see through the lies, delusions, and crazy behaviors committed by our fellow human beings and this can make us angry, downhearted, and frustrated.

However, when we get caught up in everything that is wrong with the outside world and other people, dedicating our lives to the self-righteous quest of finger-pointing, this can be another form of spiritual bypassing.

Finger-pointing instills us with a false sense of righteousness, taking away the responsibility of looking inside and working on ourselves.

At its roots, the Finger-Pointing bypass is sourced in egocentric separation and fearful avoidance of our own shadows.

How to Stop Spiritual Bypassing

The spiritual bypass is slippery, conniving, and is often disguised in robes of light.

It can take a lot of ruthless self-honesty, or what is known as spiritual discernment, to see through the lies we have been conditioned to believe or have told ourselves. But, rest assured, favoring the truth will help us greatly in the long term.

So how do we stop spiritual bypassing? Here are some methods you might like to use:

1. Cultivate an open-minded attitude

Before uncovering any forms of spiritual bypassing that have wheedled their way into your life, you need to be open. You need to be willing to be wrong, misguided, or totally off the mark. Without that willingness to be open-minded, you will be fooling yourself. There will be no point in even trying to call yourself out because you will be shooting yourself in the foot before even beginning!

Therefore, strive to cultivate an open-minded attitude of humility. Remind yourself that it is okay to be imperfect, as we all are. Most spiritual seekers get it wrong at some point. And that is nothing to be ashamed of. Embrace your flawed humanity and take steps toward greater spiritual expansion.

2. Examine the light and dark side of what you do

There is a light and dark side to everything. Even if you struggle to find out what is wrong with the spiritual activities or commitments you are dedicated to right now, create hypothetical scenarios.

For example, if you follow a spiritual teacher that you love and adore, create a hypothetical scenario where that teacher betrays your trust or does something against your ethics. What then? Ask yourself questions such as:

“What could go wrong here?”
“What am I not seeing?”
“What is the other side of this?”
“In the past, how has this hurt someone?”
“What warnings do people give about this activity?”
“Is this hurting me in some way?”
“Is this harming others in some way?”
“How is this making me weak or dependant?”
“Is there an opportunity for me to be taken advantage of here?”

Listening to your doubt is intelligent. Blind faith creates sheep, not a self-sovereign wolf. Dare to look at both sides of life. Honor the yin and yang of existence. Embrace the energy of both Shiva (the destroyer) and Shakti (the creator) within you.

3. Dare to face your cognitive dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is a state of being where a person’s beliefs and behaviors do not align.

Cognitive dissonance generally happens to people who hold two contradictory beliefs and have a sophisticated spiritual ego. The result of cognitive dissonance is a sense of underlying uneasiness, anxiety, guilt, and something is not quite right.

Those who carry a lot of cognitive dissonance tend to explain away their behavior, or that of others, and live in denial. Facing the truth is too painful, so reality is avoided, and a false reality is created instead.

It often happens to members of cults, but can also occur in the general spiritual community. For example, a person might experience cognitive dissonance when they follow the principle of non-harming (Ahisma) but hit their children every time they get angry.

Other examples of it include following a narcissistic spiritual teacher who says one thing and does the other, claiming to be a healer with special abilities but on some level knowing that it is a pretense (and placebo), following a non-dual philosophy but being dogmatic about it, and so on.

Facing cognitive dissonance involves doing shadow work and examining places and behaviors in your life that do not add up. This practice is not about shaming yourself or being more perfect, but being honest and clearing away any self-delusion.

4. Ask others for their honest opinions

If you have any close friends or family members who you have a healthy and respectful relationship with, talk to them about your spiritual path. Ask them if they have noticed any spiritual bypassing tendencies within you. If they do not innerstand what spirtual bypassing is, then show them this webpage or explain it to them.

Then, once your trusted friend or family member is ready, consciously brace yourself, and your ego, by taking a slow, soft, deep breath for their response. If at any point you feel overwhelmed with an emotion like anger or defensiveness, thank them and tell them that you need a minute or two to process what they have told you.

Feedback from other people who genuinely care about our wellbeing is invaluable. But make sure it is from people you trust. Do not ask someone you have a complicated connection with to divulge your spiritual bypassing tendencies. Likely, they will use it as an opportunity to hurt you in a backhanded way.

If you do not have anyone you trust, you could try a trained spiritual counselor who is familiar with spiritual bypassing or even an online group of kindred spirits whom you trust.

5. Face and feel your pain

Why does spiritual bypassing occur? The answer is that it helps us to avoid facing painful emotions such as grief, shame, rage, hatred, and terror.

Everyone wants to enjoy a sparkly spiritual high that is ultimately short-lived but no one wants to do the hard work of facing inner pain, that actually leads to longlasting joy, fulfillment, and peace.

Facing and feeling your pain is not simple. You will most likely require the help of a spiritual counselor or therapist and ideally, they will be trauma-informed, as repressed pain stems from unresolved trauma.

Facing one’s pain is not a fun prospect for most people, hence why they avoid this work and keep using their spiritual bandaids. But the fact still remains: the pain needs to be dealt with sooner or later.

Practices that can help you face and feel your pain might include breathwork, bodywork like yoga, spiritual meditation, mindfulness, keeping a journal, art therapy, expressive dancing, catharsis, inner child work, and many other creative or embodied practices.